ThanksgivingI am so ungrateful.

There. I said it. I’ve been thinking it for quite a while now. I felt it quietly creeping in like a disease and if left untreated it could be fatal. I’m glad I finally said something. I’d hate to be sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table and suddenly be unable to breathe.

But I just can’t pretend anymore. I can’t pretend that I don’t take my life and everything in it for granted.  I have a comfortable home, but I often wish it were bigger. I have a closet full of clothes for every season, but I can’t ever find what I want to wear. I have a husband who, quite frankly, worships the ground I walk on and I push him away much too often. My children are healthy and happy, but I tend to think they interfere with my daily agenda.

I wish I knew where this disease started. At least then I would have a battle plan to treat it. It probably started the day I allowed myself to believe I was a victim and forgot that I was actually guilty.

I am guilty of forgetting that everything in my life is a gift. Nothing was earned.

I am guilty of wishing my life were better, as if somehow more money, time, or people could be as fulfilling as God’s grace.

I am guilty of allowing others’ opinions to shape my decisions. I let a world view distort God’s plans for me.

Worst of all I am guilty of thinking that anything is about me at all. Which it’s not. Everything I do should be for God’s glory and never for my own.

The moment I believed that I could do anything or be anything without Christ was the moment I put myself on the cross and pretended that my daily struggles were anything close to His suffering. The moment I decided that my plan was better was the very moment my gratitude for anything was worthless.

I am so ungrateful. I’m glad I said it. I feel like I am healing from my disease already.

Thank you, Lord, for my life and everything in it.

 

 

Bethany Donham

Bethany E. Donham is married to her high school sweetheart and the mother of two beautiful teenage girls. She is a full time Minister to Preschoolers and Families, but has a passion for guiding others to see the world with a Biblical perspective through her writing.

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