It wasn’t a bad day. The travel was easy through 240 miles of roundtrip rain. Traffic was light. Lunch was even indulgent and the conversation was spirited.

I am just very impatient.

I want things my way most of the time. I want things when I think they should be done. I don’t like to percolate.

My faithful blog followers know that my husband suffered a traumatic injury last year. That’s over 365 days for anyone counting. It was very hard and miraculous all at the same time. We look back and marvel at the ways God got us through that time. (Read about it here.)

Hold on to that thought. That whole God part. Because I sometimes forget it.

Today was a one-year follow-up appointment. We took off work and drove the 2 hours to Nashville.

I’m not sure what I had expected at the appointment, but whatever it was I didn’t get it. I must have thought the doctor would ask to waltz across the floor with us when he got back the x-rays and that confetti would fall from the ceiling. No doubt they’d break a champagne bottle and throw wreaths around our necks.

I was ready to celebrate.

But that’s not what we got at all. Instead the doctor came in, handed us the x-rays and shrugged.

“It’s still in place,” he said about my husband’s donated elbow.

That’s it? That’s all we get? Just that it’s still there?

Ok, so I need to back up a bit because most people would think that’s a win. And it really is. It’s not a step backward and I am thankful.  But for the surgery to be declared a success the allograft needs to “come alive.” Meaning it needs to transfer blood and marrow and begin to act like my husband’s own bone. If it doesn’t, it can deteriorate inside his body and we’re essentially back where we started a year ago.

Right now there is no evidence that it’s doing what we want it to. But there is no evidence against it either. So, there’s that.

If I’m telling the truth I was surprised by all of this. Isn’t a year long enough? Shouldn’t we have answers by now? Can’t we just. move. on?

What is it that you are waiting for? A baby? A new job? Restored health?

I’m there. I get it. I want to never have to see those people at the doctor’s office again. I mean they’re nice and all, but…

All of our anxiety and disappointment stems from a lack of being still. We forget that God is there in the waiting too. He’s not off in the weeds looking for the answer. He’s got it in His mighty hand while we cozy up to Him and wait for him to reveal it to us.

I imagine it as a Father who has the perfect gift for His child. He’s picked it out months in advance and just can’t wait to give it away. But if He doesn’t time it just right it spoils the surprise. It spoils the excitement and loses a bit of it’s glory and awe.

There are lessons in the waiting. Endurance. Perseverence. [sigh] Patience. And Trust.

All of those things are virtues the Father wants to bestow and develop in us and we miss out if we’re the child begging for the gift to be given before the right time.

The anticipation of what He can do in our lives while we wait should be enough for us to always want that white space. We cheat ourselves. We cheat God when we try to move faster than His perfect plan.

Apparently, we have two more years to wait for an “all clear.” This was news to me.

So here I am tonight. Catching up on laundry. Ignoring the dirty floors and wishing I had something more fabulous to cook for dinner. Here I am living my life one more day in the ordinary of our new normal and snuggling up to my Heavenly Father just waiting for Him to show me what spectacular treasure He’s got hidden behind His back.

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Bethany Donham

Bethany E. Donham is married to her high school sweetheart and the mother of two beautiful teenage girls. She is a full time Minister to Preschoolers and Families, but has a passion for guiding others to see the world with a Biblical perspective through her writing.

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  1. I have just had a final diagnosis of a severe recurring pain in my foot after almost two years and I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad. The waiting is hard and the diagnosis can be hard but I am thankful my doctor talked very upbeat to me even though we know that there is no improving from my situation unless God miraculously heals me. Deciding how to go forward is important for me now and keeping my focus on the Lord rather than the problem. Yes my life seems so normal but restricted at times and I’d love to see that spectacular treasure too.

    1. Hi Sandra. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me. I am sure that you have some really hard days and some really good ones too. My husband and I are adjusting to our “new normal” and know that our current trials are nothing compared to the glory that awaits one day. Trying to stay focused on that many times.
      But it’s promised, so we trust and press on.
      Thanks for stopping by! Glad to connect.

  2. Bethany, your story brought back so many memories for me. Rev’s illness went undiagnosed for almost a year with a minimum of weekly doctor appts. When they finally realized he had constrictive pericarditis … they told us he needed heart surgery that no doctor wanted to do and he most likely would not survive. By God’s grace, a friend connected us with Dr. Jennifer Lawton, who is now chief of cardiac surgery at John’s Hopkins Medical Center.

    We are so thankful for God’s grace in sparing Rev’s life. We recently celebrated more than ten years of bonus days! I’m praying for you and your family as I know just how hard the waiting time can be. God’s blessings!

  3. Great thoughts and blessings to you!

    1. Deb, thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to offer me such an encouraging word. It’s so great to be part of a blogging community that reminds me that I am not alone in this big beautiful world. Blessings to you and your family!

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