There were so many times when I was a kid that I messed up. I was defiant, disobedient and untrustworthy. I wanted to do things my own way. Really, I was just trying to see what I could get away with. Pushing those boundaries.
I can remember times when I had really done wrong and my mom would want to ‘talk’ to me. Oh, how I dreaded that! I absolutely hated it. I wanted to do anything but ‘talk’ about anything. Especially to my mom. I would have much rather sulked in my room by myself and drowned my sorrows in my music.
But she was pretty relentless about it. And looking back I realize that there really wasn’t that much ‘talking’ going on at all. She would just sit on my bed while I cried into my pillow and willed her away. The longer she sat there, the angrier I would become. I can remember screaming in my head for her to just leave me alone!
She never did. Because she loves me.
Well, it’s funny how life tends to catch up to you when you least expect it. Recently my tween-age daughter got into trouble for lying to myself and my husband. We punished her and sent her to bed. Of course, because she’s a good kid, she was crying and remorseful. It hurt me to see her that way, and well, I just couldn’t resist the urge to go and “talk” to her. So I went into her darkened bedroom and sat on the bed.
“Go away!” She said through her tears. That stung a little because all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her that I forgave her. I just wanted to take away her sorrow and make it alright.
I reached my hand out to her and placed it on her back and she pulled away from me. I expected that, but I still left my hand there. And like my mother, so many years before had done, I just sat there with her and wished she would forgive herself. I wished that she could see that I was there for her, always loving her even in her faults. That’s just what you do when you love someone so deeply.
Reflecting on the incident and the ones I had been through with my own mother I realized that my relationship with Jesus is much the same way. How many times have I messed up? I’ve let Him down. I’ve lied too. And I have found myself crying over what I had done. Instead of allowing him to “talk” to me, I’ve told Him to go away. I’ve ignored Him, and I have pulled away when He has reached out to touch me.
And just like a loving parent He has waited patiently for me to come back to His open arms. He already forgave me before I even asked Him for forgiveness. Because that is what you do when you love someone so deeply.Follow BEDonham