I woke up this morning, and it was raining. Again. Instead of cursing, I decided to ignore my alarm for a few more moments. I rolled over with grand delusions of not oversleeping and lied to myself about being able to wake up willingly in precisely 9 minutes.
Stop it. It could happen.
But, you’re right. I need to polish my skills.
I overslept. But no matter. My Senior can drive my Freshman to school. I can afford to lose a few minutes.
Except when I go to wake my Senior she tells me she’s sick. Again.
I begin to feel like the amount of rain is directly correlated to the amount of sickness we have had at our house this season, which is a lot.
And let me just say right here that it doesn’t matter how old your baby gets, it still affects your whole life when she’s sick. You ache to be able to make it better. You pray it’s short-lived. You block out thoughts of Coronavirus and try to keep calm.
And then you realize that now you are not only running late, you also have to drive your Freshman to school and you start to mentally recalculate your morning routine.
Finish putting on make-up. Make lunch. Dry hair. Pack my bag (don’t forget anything), and head out the door.
Unanswered texts. Miscommunications. Over communications.
Event planning. Birthday planning.
Worry over scholarships. Worry over finances.
Worry I am not enough.
I wasn’t having a bad morning, but it was all the little things nagging at me that made it all seem so big. It made me feel invisible and overwhelmed. I began to feel nothing short of desperate for time alone with Jesus. I really should not have hit that snooze button and opened my Bible instead.
So, I did what every normal person would do. I found an empty closet at work, locked myself inside it, sat down on I’m-not-sure-what, held my hands out and asked to receive whatever God was trying to give me today. He’s so gracious, Y’all. Because he gave me 1 John 5:14, which for all you YouVersion followers is the verse of the day.
I felt like I had so many things to ask for and I felt guilty just giving God my laundry list of requests. I was lacking the confidence to approach God.
“God…I need…” I couldn’t go any further. I was stuck there in the dark.
And then the gentle Spiritual nudge came;
“I need my daughter to be sick, so that I can know what it will be like to thank You for her healing.
I need the disappointments, so that I can find joy in You alone.
I need strain in my finances, so that I can be content only in You and Your abundance.
I need to feel invisible, so that I can be seen by You.
I need to be overwhelmed, so that I can realize that You are enough.
I need this day that isn’t going my way to help me understand that everything is going according to Your plan.
Help me to lean on that, Lord. Help me!”
I left the closet with a much clearer vision for the day’s mission. I was still weary and I still encountered a few bumps along the way. But I know that verse was placed before me today to remind me that God hears me. Even on those days when all I can do is pray a list of my needs.