My husband nearly lost the functionality of his arm six months ago, but the journey seems like it’s been much longer.
Back in March of 2017 my husband fell off a ladder at work, landed on an electrical box nearly severing his left arm. Essentially, he cut his elbow off. He transected his ulnar nerve and lost feeling in parts of his hand.
I know. That’s a little graphic for some of you.
Sometimes graphic is what God uses to get our attention.
Those first several weeks were filled with so much pain both physical and emotional. And so many questions. Would he be able to work again? Would he regain strength? Would the allografted bone grow into his living bone? Would he regain feeling in his hand?
We cried together a lot. We got frustrated. And we got angry. Exhaustion got the better of us on many days.
There is no way we could have gotten through the last 6 months without God catching each one of our tears and bundling up all or our fears to hold them close to His heart. I know this full well.
Our trial is just an example of God displaying His perfect love. After six months it’s a bit easier to look back and see His fingerprints all over the place! I am humbled that He chose us to walk this path and share this story. I pray it brings my Savior glory, if only just a little.
Yesterday we traveled back up to Vanderbilt University Medical Center for another follow-up appointment. I honestly have lost track of the number of times we’ve headed up there since March. It certainly has become familiar to us. And the trips, almost a way of life.
This visit though, was a little different.
Everything is looking good. His doctor is optimistic that the surgery was a success even though we are ‘not out of the woods yet.’ We still have three to four YEARS to see if the grafted bone will ‘come alive.’ If not, the bone will disintegrate and we are back to square one. But I am oh, so hopeful and have an amazing peace that God will show. off!! It gets me a little giddy to think about!
My husband has no restrictions and has been released from occupational therapy. We said goodbye to our caseworker who, quite honestly, I had become fond of over the last 6 months. I’ll miss her. And we walked out of the clinic with a strange sense of joy.
It was almost as if we didn’t know what to do with ourselves. Do we laugh? Do we cry? Do we shout out just how awesome our God is right here in the elevator? I wanted to. I should have.
I’ve been praying for 6 months every single day for healing. For pain relief. For joy.
He’s been listening. He hasn’t been stuck on what to do for us. He knows how to fix broken. He knows it’s all in the timing.
Consider it great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. James 1: 2-4 CSB
I have to pause for a moment and soak in these words….
Joy has been so hard for me to find. How do you find joy when fear and uncertainty seem so much stronger?
Even if it’s a little prayer, it’s still prayer. God answers those too. And if we pray enough little prayers pretty soon God gives us the strength to pray the bigger ones. He gives us that endurance.
But endurance can’t have it’s full effect if you never face the trial to build it in the first place.
This trial has brought me on my knees in prayer more than anything else in my entire life. Which has deepened every part of me. Six months ago I wasn’t ready to consider any of it joy. But today I am just so thankful for every piece of this ‘special case.’
Thankful that I could almost physically feel God’s love in a dark and lonely hospital room.
Thankful to realize how crazy much I love my husband, in sickness and in health.
Thankful to be a vessel for God to show off His mighty healing power and careful orchestration of every minute detail.
I’m just thankful. I have this hurt. But I also have this awesome God!