Like Sisters Do

Sisters. I never had one.

When we found out I was pregnant with our second daughter I was overjoyed with the inevitable bond that would form between our girls. They’d have a best friend for life!  Our youngest would look up to our oldest, always asking for advice. Our oldest would relish in mentoring and helping our youngest. I envisioned late night secret swapping, hair and nail parties, closet sharing and lots and lots of giggles. You know, all the stuff sisters do. All the stuff I never had growing up with two brothers.

I love my girls.  They are my world. But they never really did anything I dreamed of sisters doing. At least nothing I ever dreamed of doing with the sister I never had. They are opposites in every way you can imagine and there has not been much secret swapping. They seem to enjoy screaming matches much more. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them do each others hair, unless you count the time my oldest gave my youngest a haircut when they were toddlers.

I know they love each other, but I wouldn’t call them friends. They don’t share much of anything.

The other night my husband and I had the rare occasion to have our youngest alone for a little while.  It was right after church services and we were asking her about the topic she had discussed in class.  She was a bit confused because she said that she was supposed to share her testimony, but she didn’t think she had one.  I told her that everyone, even non-Christians, have a testimony. It’s the story of what you did with the news of Christ. Did you accept Him and decide to follow Him? Why or why not? How have you seen His work in your life?

She was still a little baffled and said she didn’t know why or why not to any of that. So I asked her why she had wanted to be baptised when she was younger.

“Because my sister was.”

Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but glad she finally wanted to be like her sister in some way. However, it really concerned me that maybe she never really understood her own salvation or the ways in which God has been working in her little life. But I didn’t question her. I didn’t pry or freak out. After all, salvation is not up to me. It is a very personal relationship one has with Jesus. Who am I to say that her’s isn’t real just because she can’t ‘label’ it.

I began to pray about it and laid those concerns in the lap of my Savior.

“She’s only 11. I know You have great plans for her. Her leadership skills and determination will take that baby girl into your world and do great things for You one day.  But I am having trouble seeing the fruits of her salvation. How can I gently get her to see them herself? Soften her heart to Your will, Lord and help her see Your work in her life.”

I have yet to be disappointed in Jesus.

It has only been a couple of weeks since that conversation in the car and since I started praying specifically for Christ to show me that my child knew He was a part of her every day life. In the last two days she has told me two different stories of how “God was looking out for me.” I won’t share them, because they are her’s to tell. But I will not deny that my prayers have been answered for God to reveal himself in subtle ways in my child’s life.

I am encouraged by his gentle hand and infallible ways.

How has God been working in your life lately?

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Busy And Nothing More


If you are anything like me you haven’t been able to take any time to breathe lately. School started back and my world pretty much went from 0 to 100 overnight. Like many women I try to balance work, kids, husband and house as best I can.  I am never good enough…in my own mind.

There are days when I just want to give up. There are days when I just can’t see the reason why I do anything. I never advocate being busy. It is not a crown for me at all.  I try to avoid it at all costs, but sometimes despite my best intentions I find myself not being able to keep up.

When I’ve gotten to the point of no return, when I have nothing left to give, that is when I have to take a step back and take a “My day.”  I actually have those days marked on my calendar.  In red.  screenshot_2016-09-23-16-54-53

These are my “do not disturb” days.  These are the days where I can allow myself to say ‘no’ to the favors asked of me. These are the days when pajamas and no chores are permitted.  Many of these days I take myself out to lunch, take a long drive or just sit and read for hours.

I used to feel guilty about taking these days off. After all there is always something that needs to be done. It wasn’t until I realized that there is always something that needs to be done that I let go of my guilt.

If I waited until there was finally nothing left to be done,  I would never be done.

My relationships would suffer. My health would suffer. My work, my kids and my husband would all suffer if I never made the effort to be done. If I never took the time and guarded it with my life, there would always be something more important. I would never find rest.  I could never be at peace. There would never be a time I could find to just be still.

So, today I stole a bit of time and turned it into ‘my day.’ Even though it was a half day of school, I still blocked off my morning to be still. Sure, I threw in a load of laundry, but it’s still in the dryer. I even washed the dog, but she’s super cute and it was nice to spend time with her too. Poor neglected pup.

The amazing thing I find when I take the time to ‘do nothing’ is that is when I learn the most. When I take the time to just sit in the presence of my Jesus it’s much easier to hear His still small voice.  And I told him what I just told you.

“I’m so busy, Lord! I can’t find a way out sometimes! I can’t seem to make ends meet and I never know if I am coming or going. And I am so tired of being reminded of how human I am.  I am so tired of messing up, letting you down and needing You to pick up all my pieces all the time. You must get so tired of me and my failures!”

And my sweet, precious Savior stopped me in the middle of my lamenting,  leaned in and whispered, “Then what was the cross for?”

He always seems to ask me questions that He wants me to find the answers to. Pretty sure it’s just His way of allowing me my free will and growing in wisdom and all that. But sometimes I wish He’d give me a cheat sheet.

So, I thought about His never-ending love for me. How He promised to never leave me nor forsake me. Even when I’m running all over the place trying to get everything done and I leave Him in the dust.

I tried to fathom a love so pure and righteous, even for someone like me.  Especially for someone like me. But all that did was leave me even more baffled, humbled and with tear-stained cheeks.

That’s when I realized that not understanding was exactly the point.  The moment I can understand. The moment I can get it all together. The moment I can no longer be humble is the moment I can no longer be human, made in His image.  A lovely creation made specifically to depend on a holy and mighty God. A servant depending on salvation found only in the everlasting arms of a Master.

A Master willing to die for busy and tired moms like me.

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