10 Reasons Why I Hate Halloween

 

Happy Halloween

Ok. So maybe hate is too strong of a word, but I really don’t like Halloween. It has nothing to do with my personal spiritual beliefs. Afterall, Christmas and Easter originated as pagan holidays too. It has more to do with well, everything about it. I’ve tried really hard to like it. My children beg for decorations of any sort around the house that might resemble Halloween. But all I can muster is a few scarecrows and natural looking pumpkins, which of course to my children don’t count. But before you discount me as a Halloween Humbug allow me to share with you my reasons I just don’t like Halloween.

 

 

 

1.Sewing Costumes

I can’t do it. Not only that, but I can’t stand the thought of doing it. I avoid Pinterest this time of year. It’s murder to my self-esteem. My mother is an amazing seamstress and she begged to teach me how to sew. But I have no patience for it and no desire ever to learn.  I am also cheap and hate to shell out mega-bucks for a cheaply made outfit my child will wear once. So I have to pray I get lucky enough to score a costume at a thrift store that is actually worth wearing. I have rules: Nothing scary, gory, or having anything to do with witches. And now that my kids are getting older; nothing too sexy. This really limits our choices.

2. Party stores or anything resembling a costume shop

These are the last resort when I strike out at the thrift store. I also sometimes think these are punishment since I never let my mom teach me how to sew. I can’t stand a crowd. They make me anxious. To throw me in a crowd of people among stacks and stacks of scary faced masks while I try to find a costume with my child that is both inexpensive and meets my criteria is a nightmare.  Of course I didn’t plan ahead and get a costume from last year’s clearance section. That would have been too easy. And heaven forbid you wear the same thing you wore last year. The only good thing that comes from shopping at one of these stores is realizing that I am not alone in my quest for a single costume that fits.

 

3. Costumes

I know. This would seem to go with reasons 1 and 2 but I really have issues with it. Why do we have to have a holiday designated to wearing masks and pretending to be something we’re not? Don’t we do that every day already?  I’m not even sure what my natural hair color is.

4.  Halloween’s success is totally reliant on the weather

Who wants to trick-or-treat in the rain? And lord help us if it’s too cold! What fairy costume has long sleeves? So then we have to go with plan ‘B’ of layering  the over-priced costume with a white turtleneck or <gasp> a jacket! And if the costume has wings you may as well just stay home and play board games.

Candy-Corn

5. Candy

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am a self-proclaimed choc-o-holic but what’s the point to gathering more than we can eat? Sure, as a kid it’s fun. As a mom it’s silly. I’m sure I am sounding very much like the Scrooge of Halloween past, but all that candy causes me so much guilt. Guilt if we let it go to waste. Guilt if we eat it all. Yes, I am aware of programs where you can give it away to those in need. Ok, really? Who NEEDS candy?  Maybe we should all go around and ask our neighbors for canned goods instead.

 

6. Bad memories

One year when I was a child I went out trick-or-treating with my older brother. We went to the same house, but I got there before he did. Now, it may have been because I was so much cuter than he was, but I somehow managed to get a Butterfinger. He got an apple. He was so disappointed and I felt bad for getting something better than he did. Obviously, I have deeper issues than just a candy bar. Sorry, Brian.

 

7. Bad memories

Oh, wait. I just said that. But seriously, why would you take a child to a haunted house where they hand her a peeled grape and tell her it’s an eye-ball?!

 

8. Time Change

Halloween signals that it’s almost time to ‘fall back’ and Winter is swiftly approaching. That is all I have to say about that.

pumpkins

9.Pumpkin Carving

It’s gross. And I don’t do crafty things. So unless my children don’t mind that their pumpkins look like something a blind goat created, I have to turn this event over to their daddy.  And pumpkin carving for a person who is extremely particular about symmetry is just not an enjoyable experience. It’s just a pumpkin for Pete’s sake! Carve it and move on! Perhaps the children should just do it themselves and save us all the headache.

 

10. It’s scary

The man who stands too close behind me while I pick out my movie at the Red Box is creepy enough for me. There’s a reason why I don’t watch the news. This world is a terrifying place. Why would I want to invite it up to my porch and give it candy? I see no reason to embrace horror let alone expose it to my children. Sending them to public school is enough.

But I’ll do it all. I’ll buy the costumes and I’ll carve the pumpkins. You’ll even see me on Halloween night with a smile on my face enjoying the festivities at my church’s Fall Festival. Because, even though it’s not something I enjoy, my kids love it. I love them and sacrifice is a part of love.

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